[sketch of Calgary house, ground floor — early 90’s]
Monday 17. October 94.
[from Dzidra]
Dear Both, [Erna & Inese]
I’m sitting in the mall at Bondi Junction — in a right funny mood. Yesterday I came back from Wyong — they had their birthday reunion — Wyong High is 50 years old. It’s the first time I’ve set foot on the place in 31 years. My last (and only) previous reunion was in 88 — an evening function at the Wyong race club — & that’s where I saw our mob for the first time in 25 years. This time only Sonia Lupis, Yvonne Ralph, Annette Kirkwood, Michael Britt and Greg Collins from my class were there — others were there from my year — from other classes… and of course many older & younger ex-pupils. I went up on Friday & Annette & I stayed in a flat owned by a friend of her’s who lives in West Gosford — someone who used to go to Gosford High — whom Annette knew through what she called “Rural Youth” — though in the times before that used to be called Junior Farmers. — I guess the name changed way back then when I was at school. Hildegarde (!) the owner of the flat had gone up to Queensland hours before I arrived so I did not meet her — & we had the flat to ourselves.
The flat is entirely new — all in white & lovely — but it’s in a factory — actually in an industrial area part of a “Mini Storage” company — so we were not to open the blinds to let people know there was a flat there… Not that the view would have been great — still I find drawn blinds oppressive. But the flat was utterly gorgeous –glass & steel furniture — white with more white & more white… So that was good. Annette & I went to the school on Friday evening — to the “Multi-purpose hall” — i.e. the basketball/assembly/theatre hall etc… It had the walls laid out with photocopies of mainly occasional photos from school magazines. The of you, Inese — & your 5 year class all dressed up for the formal was there — as well as your 4th year class — names like Barry Banks, Peter Goosie, Phillip Alt, Ken Saladine, Tony Bootle, Geof Davies, Ian Sinclair, David Gear, David Avery (who apparently went out with Annette when they both worked in Turton’s Pharmacy on the corner — which is now a takeaway/fish cafe…) David, Jenkins, Peter Bracy, Laurel Webster, Val Edmonds, Johanna Harmston, Charmaine Cameron, Kerry Barrell, Lindsay King-Adams, Zoe Morris, Bev Hungerford, Alezandra? Aggafonoff !, Fay Murray, Ann Simmons, Elaine Say, Sylvia Felgate, Thelma Fergusson — not that these people were there in person.
But as I explored the school, in one room someone was behind the table with some old school magazines & paper cuttings — & a woman was looking at the ones of your year — so I asked her if she was from that year — she wasn’t — but the man by the table — when I said I was your sister, started meaningfully telling me that he knew you well & you were very close — I asked whether he had taught you — he said — protested — that he was not that old — but he turned out to be Noel Gambril!! Who had “Gone Out” with you — & obviously remembered you fondly. He was attractive… big broad face — I took a photo — haven’t seen it yet — will send it — but even as I took it & he posed rather stiffly I felt it would not get across the true effect of the man. He was really quite delicious. I showed him that photo of you, mum, me & Gary Leaman — where you, Inny are looking toward us — almost profile — Noel instantly said you haven’t changed at all. I went through with Neil Gambril — he must have been in other classes — but I think in 4th year — maybe 5th — he was with us — & he ended up marrying Dawn Johnson who was our Captain… had 3 kids & just LAST week Neil ran odd with a 22 year old — & Dawn was in Sydney (down from Lithgow where they had lived — not taking it very well at all). Noel himself introduced me later to his little wife of 25 years — they’ve 3 kids — saw them too — an odd lot. The mother’s got a funny comic face — one of the kids was quite overweight. A mottled country lot of bumpkins — while Noel himself had a tall, broadfaced pleasant presence. As we talked — he thought I looked wonderful — he remembered me as a little thing (was I ever?) & he said something about us living up on a hill. Did he ever visit?? Did you ever have boyfriends allowed to visit??!!!? I remember a visit by “Louis” Botham & that platinum pen (he was not there this time) & thence only Imants in Uni years. And I bumped into the Jacksons — who remember you getting them “very drunk” in Canada.
Saw a Mr. Foster who I probably had for geography — for which I got an A in the Leaving but who was so FORGETTABLE that when I saw him with the Jacksons (whom I had NOT been taught by) seemed more familiar to me than Mr. Foster… Quite odd, I really did not remember him (& was probably taught by him for 2 years. It’s truly odd how it all works.)
AND I saw Mr. Woodward! Joan (ex-Gardiner — still his wife) had talked to me earlier when she saw my name tag — though she would not have been sure which Dzelme I was. She’s short, chinless, dumpy little woman with almost a short back & sides — but utterly friendly & sweet. She was organizing nametags etc. Dick was a vision — craggy & crusty — a lifetime of alcohol abuse & smoking — but behind that physical damage he was still quoting poetry. He is actually a poet — another book coming out later this year he thinks. I’ll try to get copies of the first one too. He asked for my address — I thin I’ll send him a copy of Artava — so he’ll be sure to send his book. (I say!)
On the Saturday night was a buffet dinner for $25 & he came to our table. I know he was wanting to talk to me — his memories of you 3 — he doesn’t know what happened to Laurel & wishes he did, & doesn’t know what happened to Charmaine but pointedly said whatever she’s doing, she’s sure to be DOING WELL — the implication being that he utterly saw her as a Go Getter. — However Yvonne Ralph sat between Dick & me & monopolized the conversation — Dick had gone to Newcastle Boys High in his day — & though Yvonne only went one year to Newcastle Girls — she still lives in Newcastle now & was able to namesdrop & was busily engaged in an impress the teacher conversation — I think she is my Charmaine! She actually went out with Don Cameron in those days — and was approved by the Camerons. She herself married a man 10 years older, changed her name to Fran — & had 4 kids — & her car salesman husband is now earning bonus overseas trips for them both which she, a little wryly was telling us about — she’s down to earth enough to acknowledge the trips she chatted about are freebees — & still had a “name dropping” way of talking about them. I noticed at one point that her skirt was trembling — & it brought back memories that while on one level she always had us envious of her tall good looks & “style” — on another there was this thread of neurotic highly strungness… & in general what already struck me in 1988 was how all those mannerisms that were there in us as kids — gestures, facial expressions, sounds of voices etc etc — were all still there now… SO STRONGLY… And Dick likes an audience. There were so many people at the event — near a thousand — that they coped with it by having 3 levels — top was the youngest — our level was in the middle — & the older pupils were downstairs. When Dick found our table he said he had come up from downstairs because he got sick of their conversations which were about bank balances…! And somehow he was young at heart — and it made me wonder if those of us who came — were also all somehow “young at heart”…
Teena did not come — she did in 88 — but even then her once black hair was totally white & undyed — even back then — & while she looked sweet & lovely in a withdrawn sort of way — somehow her demeanour was of a little old lady. Her husband Greg Collins who was also in our class — who loved her all those years & finally won her after some reunion which I never got to want back when I was in Art School in Newcastle — still looks like a boy — his hair has not greyed — his face is smooth… Reunions are apparently no Teena’s thing — while Greg likes them….
…[section about old school friends and their lives now]
On Sunday, Michael Britt had offered me a lift home — so Annette and I did a loop through Erina — called in on the Mumfs [Mumfords]. Doreen was at the door with her leg on a stool, in bandages — waiting for her twice weekly call from the district nurse to change the dressing on the ulcers on her shins. John is actually in hospital because he had an operation on an arthritic heel which was successful — even though it took a long long time to heal — some toes, which had been mildly infected — got worse after the foot doctor fiddled there — and mountains of antibiotics have not helped — and now they are going to see if they can get rid of the infection or whether he’s going to have to lose his big toe — which is the balance toe… Doreen (who was utterly weird & in better spirits than I’ve sometimes seen her — maybe that was the effect of Annette’s presence & that our conversation also covered the reunion…) has also had hip & knee operations — & while they are all “fine” she walks only with a walking stick & a heavy limp… and reduced eyesight — & cannot go downstairs to do the laundry — and is worried about the people who come to help… worried about them being trustworthy… & now that John’s in hospital someone has to come & stay overnight in case she falls etc…
[John and Doreen Mumford]
She seems to think John’s a bit “confused” — last year when he was in hospital for a hip replacement — he packed his stuff & tried to get out of bed & go home before the hip was properly set — & at some stage misunderstood some nurse’s saying about Doreen — who was having her own leg roubles — being unable to visit or she’d be in hospital herself — & John understood it as Doreen being in hospital & so John tried to leave his own hospital bed to go looking for Doreen. When they had to redo the hip operation because he’d caused it to not heal correctly — they strapped him into the bed in his recovery time & now the hip is OK. I have not seen him myself — I don’t know whether his mental state is truly “confused” or just mishearing & anxiety etc etc. Anyway — they don’t yet know about the toe.
So the weekend was a picture of life — many have died — old teachers, pupils — others have married — had kids etc etc. There seemed to be the attitude — though that may be by “older” people — that Hec Egger was THE principal of Wyong High — and that Era was the heyday of Wyong High — after that there was apparently some wimp… HOWEVER — the current guy is electric! […]
[…] What I really enjoyed was the extended I had up there — Friday, Saturday — & just the drive past the Mumfs & past the old farm too — we are no longer Berkeley Vale in that area — Berkeley Vale (which has its OWN HIGH SCHOOL — the Entrance High is 20 years old) — grew so big that our side of that road to Wyong is called GLENNING VALLEY!!
…[section of update info about old neighbours…]
Yet another mansion is being constructed in the valley between Bromwiches’ [Joe] and Earls’… one already exists there, back up on the hill. The site of Arnie Night’s [“Sweetpotato”] former shack has a long modern brick building… Divide and build seems to be the only ethic. Just now — Gardiner’s store in Wyong — is closing down. It has kept going all these years. The only store which still is as was — is Spencer’s! And Michael Britt’s mum said that still if you want something — some button or trinket — you go to Spencer’s! Peter’s Cafe is still there too… The old store where Mum used to order her “self-raisng floor” doesn’t function as such any more.
So! It’s been a delightful time!
[…] I came back to Sydney to find my flatmate had partially coped with a broken tap washer on the hot water kitchen tap… she had not called the plumber […] now leaking again […] she had ruined some tiles which I’d had just replaced… [section on continuing problems with renters, etc…]
The desensitizing nose drops I’ve been taking now for more than 18 months ran out & through the nurse being away & then me being away I haven’t been on them for a month — so I was retested today — the allergies to all the pollens & dust mite have not reduced at all & I will restart the drops today. I’ve interrupted the nasal spray which just makes breathing easier while Miško’s away. Breathing capacity is much like it always was — but proneness to a runny nose when I’m dealing with dust or cleaning up seems to have been greatly reduced. So maybe eventually the breathing in general will improve — could take several years — drops cost $16 a bottle made to my needs according to my response to the tests — a bottle lasts more than a month I think… I’m not in a fund so I don’t get that money back.
[…] [I have]to continue trying to fix the brick paving in my back yard [etc…]… such a big job [etc…]
[…] and yet life with its constant interruptions is reaching the pint where I simply have to start doing art work somehow — even if some of this other reorganization/doing period is not properly over.[…]
Tuesday.
…[more about renter problems…]
Love,
Dzidra
————–
Tuesday 4th? July 95
[to Inese from Dzidra]
Dear Inny,
[Note on top] This is to clear stuff out of the way — & as such will reek of exaggeration etc — I don’t mean to DUMP — it’s just unsaid stuff […]
The slides at last. […]
[…] Partly I didn’t send them [slides] more quickly too is that I really wanted to send a letter — about all that visit — all the stuff it brought up… When I mentioned to Mum that I wanted to write you a letter about all my reactions to Nelson [right] & the effect I perceived him having on your life — good, bad & indifferent — & how that affected my behaviour — Mum got all paranoid & said that you had settled back into life & were OK & were spending much time with Nelson & she did not want to upset you.
As the month wore on I actually felt that original desire to write & explain myself begin to dissipate — now what I’m left with is some sort of feeling of sadness & distance between you & me… Not traumatic, not awful or major — just a sort of resignation. All along I think I have had a sort of — I don’t know how to describe it — a sort of belief in, attachment to — you & mum — my two only real “relatives” (and of course Talis — but that’s different) & I actually, over my trips to Canada — & mainly the one in 1984 — learned that you & mum did not experience that relatedness in the same way. Of course in fact I have NO idea how you two feel — but what it seemed like to me is that both of you feel jealous about the other woman in your family in regard to your men — maybe that was the only difference between us — because I’m sure that in all other ways you are as “related” & bonded as I am — but that jealousy — especially in 1984 — from both of you (Mum had that love interest in Banff Centre that she imagined I was interested in — & I didn’t even know who it was!!! — while I played out my flirtation with John Roche? was that his name?
When you visited England way back I once remember Clive sort of flirting with you — more like trying to stroke your ego in order to win your approval — & I remember my internal reaction was sort of mild annoyance that HE should behave like that — never that I should fear you. Like THAT was beyond my range of possible — possibility!
But Mum, in 1984, absolutely understood your jealousy about Nelson & relating it to her own jealousy of Austra in her youth — who knows — if I’d had a younger sister I might have had similar feelings… all those dynamics come into it…
Anyway to this day — your telling me in no joking manner, & repeating it, emphatically — that if I ever touched Nelson you would kill me — was probably the most alienating experience of my life. When Mum left Wyong it was all camouflaged in her own allergies & impossibility of relationship with Dad — I did not feel it at the time as abandonment of me. When I found that I wasn’t even recorded as dad’s daughter in his will — sort of NON-EXISTENT — still somehow — perhaps surprisingly — I did not register it as personal — it was DAD! — with all that stuff about the camera, & my lifelong fear of & alienation from him. I’d had plenty of reasons in fact — to be jealous of you in our teenage years when you were the belle in everyone’s eyes — & I was the gawky, uglier, ungainlier, larger kid — but somehow that, as a result of all that unformedness — would have been truly absurd. I continued a private battle of not anyone see my profile (and try facing everyone in the world at once) — and covering my broken wrist bone & not loving my body… but you were off & away out of my world for the most part… & life went on.
Only later — much later years — I realized that you hadn’t bought Mum’s line of making Dad the enemy — I bought it hook line and sinker and somehow imagined an un breachable alliance between “The Dzelme Women” as YOU once put it — v. Dad. That’s what I needed to do to “deserve” Mum’s love, I guess.
Anyway All of it was a fallacy — a fantasy. Mum had her own agenda/history regarding you — & hence she has a fear-based relationship with you. And that produces both irritation and fear in you in return. Don’t imagine I think love is missing — Oh no… love is fierce… in all directions — always has been… I went on to have a similar relationship with Talis — fierce love distorted into fear — provoking his irritation & also fear. I know that that is why Talis has gone on to find another mother — with whom he has an entirely easy love relationship — they rubbish each other & love each other etc without that edge of fear which has despoiled ours. What was sobering for me in this visit was to see that that, between you & Mum — has not shifted all your long lives. I thought with me & Talis — that as he grew to adulthood & that immediate responsibility for his wellbeing etc — would fade, that our relationship would recover. That I would learn to accept him as he is, and that edge would soften… Severe, you said of yourself in photos. — I wouldn’t worry at all about your appearance — it’s great — stunning at times — but as a person you terrify Mum & me.
How it arose I have no idea — but I am not terrified of Mum — & for that too I feel deeply grateful. My relationship with her is something that I treasure as one, in this world of assorted relationships — as fearless! And it IS surprising — because — though that has manifested more in our adult years — maybe most in 1984-5 — when I saw her treating you with such kid gloves that time when we were frightened about your smoking etc. in Banff — whatever we fought about Mum defended you as though I was the big bad attacker of her precious one. So I had some subsequent indignation to deal with — some “what-the-fuck-about-me” because there was a weird twist in it — it was obvious that Mum disapproved of both your drinking & smoking — & yet she was driven to defend you no what you did — & I was acutely aware that had our situations been reversed she could not have defended me thus. It has taken subsequent trips to understand the complicated dynamic there — & to utterly be grateful that though my ego was bruised in some of those interchanges — what I have as a profound, “fearless” relationship with her is worth the world to me — & how repulsed I am by my own distorted strain around Talis & how the only way I can deal with it at the moment is to not spend much of my life (almost zero time) in his company. But having had that one profound safe relationship with Mum makes me know what that is like — & I know that I want it in my intimate relationship (i.e. Miško) forever. With Clive the relationship turned to fear AFTER he started fucking Gaye & left. From then on it was some sort of trying to deserve love… & provoking irritation as a result. Nasty thing in my relationship with Miše is that it tends a little the other way — his fearing losing me merging into fearing me — provoking my irritation — and I fight it & fight it — because I don’t believe that is a healthy basis for a relationship.
I know you fight against it too, with Mum… she absolutely sees how good you are — she’s almost incredulous & deeply grateful of how you have looked after her & all her needs & STUFF after the stroke — she SEES how selfless you are, how you’d do anything — she knows she should not be terrified of you…
You had the capacity to see that Dad needed love… I didn’t see it then — I saw only his bluff. But it’s true that one of the most moving “Course” experiences for me happened during “Insight II” in what I think was 1982… We had to pick partners — mine was a man about 10 or more years older than me. That partner then became for me each parent in turn — & I told them all I hadn’t told them in real life — & it was a blowout — I mean an amazing revelation for me. With Dad I “got in touch with” my unexpressed love for him — it actually registered more like pity — I at that moment understood his “weak-ness” & literally offered him my strength — & the physical sensation I experienced was pain in the front of the chest which is supposed to indicate unexpressed love. With “Mum” I felt pain in my back — which means unexpressed anger — & for the first time I actually got in touch with anger at her — I can’t remember exactly what I said — but it was totally strange experience of being/feeling anger at her. And both those exchanges helped my relationships with the real Dad & Mum ever since. With Dad what I hadn’t managed by the time he died was to be able to listen to him — without rejecting, without judging — just to be there for him. I did my best in those last meetings — some of this being in touch with the love rather than just the fear had begun… but certainly it had much longer to go…
… With Talis [etc…]
… So — Nelson [etc…]
Anyway the long history of Nelson — way back in ’84 when Mum defended you no matter what — that also included her dislike of this maybe male who yet was not being in a proper relationship then as you yourself wanted then… and yet Mum also has this other side where she thinks we should all treat our men like superior beings.. and something to fear too… — a distinct giving over of power… So doesn’t matter how unhappy you are — or how objectionable they are — they are still somehow to be treated with… in practice… reverence. That’s not actually the word I want. Anyway — the cruel twist of all this is that I found Nelson close to unbearable…his childish manner… [etc…] … Yes we all rationalized — every woman has her mothering needs — even women with children often mother their spouses… & isn’t a man’s ideal woman a mixture of madonna & whore!? — & you Hs plenty of mothering energy to give. As sister in that old mode of we women-are-one I wished, & mum did too — that he also needed you to express some of that whoring side! I say we felt his inability to nurture you that way near enough as keenly as you did… […etc]
[…] I know the jealousy stuff intimately — when I described my feelings about sisters & family — I thought in my childish fantasy way — till 1985 — that family was off territory — like “BUT OF COURSE it’s like that”… That was a big shock to my system — that even family was not safe according to you & mum. […] Jealousy is fierce & a destroyer — & to be struggled with. […] Miško has it — I have it — with family I learned that the one “safe” territory was denied me (I could have found that out earlier if we’d all lived in the one country) — I held the illusion for so long because it was never put to the test — & that’s why it’s shattering was so — shattering… And in another way — or rather the way I dealt with it was to treat it as a mistake — that the true order of things is — you don’t ever do dirt on your family — & that’s still what I’d live by — with the puzzled loneliness that those same “family” don’t necessarily fell the same way.
…[Nelson etc… including Latvia trip…etc…]
If you think Mum could cope with this letter — feel free to give it to her — if not, not. It’s really for you — but it’s a fart to have to write twice… & you are not the same person.
[…some current news…]
xxx Dz
P.S. Sorry about Louana [leaving work] — no it does NOT mean you don’t go away — I want you BOTH with Nelson — to come visit … it will be wonderful.
————-
[No date]
[Card from Dzidra]
Salut Nelson
I hear you’re really a very nice person.
Me too.
Au revoir y’all
bientôt
Dzidra
[Drawing of hand waving white flag from behind spruce trees]
—–
August 3 [year?]
[Inese to Dzid]
[…] Nelson got your card — laughed — said that it was your “war” no his — so, no problem —
Much love — see you soon.
Inese & Mum
————-
From Dzidra
3.11.95
[Postcard]
[Australia — on horseback. James Northfield c. 1888-1973]
Nu redziet kādas kartiņas atkal pārdod! Today it’s the first muggy day — so far it has been cool & clear — hardly any sign of summer. I’ve just been for a swim at Bondi Junction in the pool, followed by an enormous cheap meal… today I’m supposed to paint… but it’s not happening. When are you coming here?? By the time you come our magnificent tree will be “removed” — it’s a crying shame — but the neighbour is threatening me with his plumbing costs.
Much much love xxxDz.
—————–
[The following are letters that were sent by fax – the first is still written on the computer with very large type, the rest, written by hand – some wandering all over the page because her eyesight was almost gone. Do not have dates, but all in the mid to late 1990s]
Mīļā Dzidriņ, mums patreiz ir silta ziema un mēs jūtamies labi. Inese ved mani staigāt gandrīz katru dienu un tas ir labi, varu justies o.k. Savā pēdējā faxā Tev, biju noskaitusies uz Tavu grāmatu, kas ieteicot šķiršanos, tikko ir nesaprašanās. Par ātru nav labi aizskriet, jo mēs mainamies, viss var mainīties, ir jāpaciešās un jāapdomā. Par Tavu dzīvi… es neko nezinu ko teikt, Tev pašai viss jāizgudro un jādara. Skaties, redzi cilvēkus, Tu esi brīva darīt kā domā būs labāk, Tu vēl esi jauna un stipra diezgan, nebaidies neko. Par šejieni nav daudz ko teikt, viss ir tāpat kā agrāk. Es jau gaidu, kad Tu varēsi braukt šurp, un vai jūs brauksiet abi ar M, tad jums ir jau jāsāk gudrot kad un kā visu izkārtot. Ja Miško nevar tik ilgi palikt te, kā Tu viņš var palikt īsāku laiku.
————————————-
Dearest Dzid –
I am wishing you and Mishko Merry Xmas and a very good and happy New Year. We suddenly have a very cold weather – our days are now not merry at all – haha! For 3 days we were sitting inside, then Inese took me for a short walks. I cannot walk alone, its slippery and uneven roads from much snow – the roads got a little better – people work to clean them, but the cold keeps going. It really spoils our holiday – and I am not strong at all – but I try to survive, drink warm water with lemon, drink carrot juic, Ines is making, and still feel to week – but hope, hope…
Be happy!!
Love M.
[note from Inese at bottom] Happy happy Xmas + New Year – may all your problems be solved + wishes be true.
Inese
———————————–
1.3.96
[card]
Dearest Mama!
Today we walked around Sydney — Inese also gave her Latvian rings (jewellery) to Ivars Birze to get them fixed — and then we went to Circular Quay & saw an exhibition & bookshops — & went up the tallest building Centrepoint — & had lunch at the Rocks… — & walked all the way home.
It was a lovely day — & the weather was NOT hot…
Tomorrow I will vote in government elections… & will go to Paddington Markets —
How are you?? It’s so lovely having Inese here!!
Ida rang & we will see her on Thursday & she will show me how to make a Fondue!!
[Photo: Miško and Inese]
Much love
xxxxxx Dz
—————-
Thursday 7.3.96
[card]
Dearest Mama,
Hi! Yesterday the Commonwealth bank sent a notice asking you to bring your bank book — There had been $78.91 in it since 1989 — and instead of interest — in 1994 they introduced a new rule that every account which has less than $500 in it is charged $2 per month!!!!
So they handed me back the book with only $38.65 in it!!! Bastards. So Inese said we should close the account to stop losing any more money — so if you can send back this withdrawal form — fill it all in — account number is 108*** — the amount in words is thirty eight dollars 65c. — I’ll fill that in now… — You just sign it — & we’ll stop them taking more money away!!!
I talked on the phone with you today — we’re going to visit Ida — it’s warm and sunny.
[Dz]
[Photo: Visit to Ida with Inese — for fondu]
——————–
[13.3.96]
[Imants drove Inese & Dzidra to visit the house at the old farm in Berkeley Vales and the beaches in the area, where they grew up]
—————–
Sat. 11.5.96
[sent by fax]
Dear Both, [Erna & Inese]
All your faxes came through OK — the writing on the sides all fitted fine.
So now I’ll wait till Joanna moves out in 4 or 5 weeks — then look for someone new (not so easy in Winter time) — just like Joanna many people go travelling to warmer climates leaving many empty flats — and those staying in Sydney don’t move much in the cold months. At the moment the weather is wonderfully warm — still like summer.
Everyone’s birthday soon — Miško AND his oldest son Viktor are on May 16, Miško’s mother on May 17 (she’ll be 64, Viktor will be 16, Miško will be 41). Then me on the 21st — how old do I feel?? I really don’t know.
[Photo: Miško’s father, Viktor, Dzidra, Mikško, his mother]
Miško and I still fight and love & fight and love… Storms in teacups, mostly.
Today, later, he will pick me up & the whole family will visit one of his Macedonian couples — with one young 6 year old… So I will sit again among Macedonian babble, with the occasional English word thrown my way.
{Drawing to illustrate the typical visiting situation}
Love,
Dz xxx
Did you get this fax once or twice?
—————-
22 july
Dearest Dzid!
How are you? How is your health, how is your work? Can you do it quietly? Can you do it happily? My advise, do it just as you like it, do not make it so much for the eyes of your boss as for yourself – then it will turn out well and artfull too! We have some summer days – some pretty hot, but so far – I survive o.k.
Nelson made a nice dinner for Iny and me – it was really nice, with spices from India. He had found a shop, who ended to work and sold cheep its spices and recepies too. Inese went too there, and bought bagful of spices and recepies. We will try out them, when you come. Are you happy to come? will you have time to prepare yourself for the long trip and relax before it?
I hope you will be able to arrange it all in time. How is Miško [below right]? How is your new roommate? Will you be able to leave without worries? I hope so!
Take it easy. Good luck for your work, fax or phone to us!.
Xxxxx M.
——————-
.
.
[winter of 1996-7]
Dearest Dz. + Mi.
How is the kitchen developing? Good wishes to it! [Right: Mishko in newly renovated kitchen]
Here – winter, the snow till the ears! The garden all under ‘kupenas’! but nevertheless all is functioning! Nelson had his 45th birthday – in the office – the cake. Here only a better supper – chicken + weget. Then at Nelsons a little party – Inese, Stefany.
[Below left: Inese and Nelson]
I am miserable as before – now also cannot go for walks because of the snow. Inese will take me for walk one day…
My feet were awfully swollen from the hard, white shoe. Inese massaged them every day – till is better now. She also reads the book about the liver – I do not eat butter or meat (a little of the chicken so…)
Inese is very patient and good to me, so I can live and try to survive.
Nothing new to tell you! Be happy! Be patient and – good luck to you and Miško!
Xxx M.
———————–
[no date — spring 1997?]
[letter very much all over the place on the page]
Dear Dzid!
Your fax letter is here, ok! So you fax mashine works. I do not know how well I will send the fax answer, it is hard to know how well I will be able to make the long line of numbers for the address. I can not see what I am doing, how precize I can fax the numbers. – But I will try.
We are living happy together, going even out sometimes.
Inese bought a new car – used stashion wagon quite fine. Swedish product [Volvo]. It is light silver color.
Ok – that what is new in this life here – otherwise all the same – work and live only! My heart does not make much trouble, exept – I have no much ‘spēka’ and sometimes cannot sleep. Well I – survive so far.
Be happy!
M.
———————————–
[1997?]
Happy Easter!
Cannot see a thing!…
Inese + Nelson [right] are away to Lake Louise for a brunch (some connection of business). I am alone surrounded by chocolates – a chockl. hair [hare], some chokl. eggs, Oh Henry… Good.
It is warm and sunny but it makes me very blind… other wise – am OK!
Inese has been very busy – a Japanaise lady (friend from Banff) visited Inese on her way to New York. Then send the same way 2 of her children and one of their friend – all teenagers. Inese had to meet them on airport, keeps them over the night… otherwise we are very quiet. Stefany made a cake for Ineses birthday light and good with berries… Be happy and come for visit!! Sorry I cannot much see what I write…
Xxx M.
[Erna’s birthday wishes for Inese — felt pen sketches]
———————–
[No date — fall 1997?]
[to Dzidra]
Just now got your fax!
Talis has have success and won the buttle.
Now – with good luck and confidence in himself, he may build his young life happily!
Good luck to him! I am so happy about him! It really is a good day in all this cold winter here. For a time I can breathe easily.
Be happy Tālis! Be happy Dzid! The kitchen you can rebuild many times – this was one of the times when Tālis dreams and confidence was built!
Go confidently and happily now, Tālis, in your new life!
Wishing you long happy success.
Gr.ma.
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[letter very much all over the place on the page]
[December 1997]
Dear ones! Happy Xmas.
Dzidra, I got the boots you send – yesterday, but I still had not tried them on. I am using my old white big shoes when I go outside, they are ok for walking. Now I go out only with Inese taking my hand, it is icy and slippery. Nothing is better with me, my eyes are bad, my heart is weak, but the pains from my fall has gone! I wonder why I do not feel much better now? But seems I recover, only slowly.
Inese is very busy, they have more work before Xmas. Sometimes they, Inese + Nelson, take me out for dinner. Nelson also made a little movable desk at my chair – to read. But lately I do not read so much, I watch TV, I play piano for little moments – I just kill my time. The dandilions you sent us – Inese cooked – and I eat them a little. I think my liver is not too bad. All the best to you.
.
——————–
[1998]
[Walks and pauses in all weathers…]
How are you?
Was the zolītes game OK? That is good that you made some social thing!
Me and Inese we were for supper to Petra (Ines friend) and my too lately.
It was very nice evening.
Now from Xmas, we have a very cold weather.
Inese still takes me for little walks so I survive OK.
Now the last 2 days are warmer, about 15-20 under 0 – inside is pleasantly warm.
Tonight Inese and Petra went to a new film about Titanic.
————————-
[one of last letters, probably 1999]
Dear dear Dzidra!
How much I miss you! How much I would like to see you here again. But, the world is big…
My eyes get more bad I can not see to read even my name on the letter.
I still to try to make the scrabble to keep the word in my mind. How beautiful you were here, Dzidra, my dear dearest Dzidra.
Inese is very good to me. She is busy preparing the gloves for the exhibition. Much work it takes!!
Life goes… I am useless. But I am still here…
And I am still strong in a way.
Be happy, dear Dzidra. Be happy, eat well…
M.
.
.
.
.
.
.
—————-
12.11.99
[from Dzidra]
Dear Inese,
Sending you this letter — I talked on the phone to Robert Smith — he has a copy of the book Latvian artists in Australia where mum & I appear. They are soon to be up to the Dz’s — in about Jan/Feb, he thinks. So, since it’s this enormous academic work — all artists of “note” anywhere!!! — visual — but if you give 2 “public” access places where mum’s pictures are — schools count — I know she had pieces for years on the walls of Berkeley Vale Public School — and she may have a piece in Latviešu Nams in Sydney? I could even donate a piece by her & one by me — Maybe mum’s got pieces elsewhere?? I mentioned to him she’s a writer now. He said to lost her exhibitions & give account of her writing activities… all would be added. But she needs 2 public venues & 2 solo shows… I’m sure she had more than that in her day. Make up the dates! Anyway — the deadline is not a few weeks as mentioned in the letter — but a few months.
Mamai —
Lapas no “tava” koka Centennial Parkā, ko pabražot, pasmaržot. [Leaves included with letter]
xxx
[Dz]