[The first section are extracts from Inese’s diary concerning Erna’s stroke on March 10, 1993 and its aftermath.]
[INESE’S DIARY]
Sunday, March 7, 1993.
Went to work on book [mum’s: Būs skaista diena] in later afternoon.
Wednesday, March 10, 1993
Home and having supper – then, Mum got dizzy & it didn’t go away (after 7) – took her to lie down on carpet – still no good – then, she sitting up – sat her on chair – her speech incoherent – called hospital, no help – called 911 & they sent ambulance – Mum unable to form words – totally collapsing.
To hospital – her heart going wild – it seems it is a stroke. There for 3 hrs – she throwing up if moved – also peed – also almost choked on aspirin in water (guy said afterwards that this is what happens in stroke – swallowing muscles don’t work – could have killed him! But too stunned…)
She unable to see/focus, even open eyes – trying to form words – couldn’t understand them at all – Doc said she was “in trouble” – may be permanent. Heart and blood pressure haywire. Eventually in a ward bed. She kept trying to talk – figured out at one point that her feet were cold – put on her socks. Left after 11, felt that her efforts to speak were too much.
At one time, earlier, she managed to say: “Cik ātri tas uz reizi viss iet…”
Toward the end of the evening, had the impression that Mum was slightly better – was also sure that she could understand me, at least to some degree – so, at home, later, had a slight surge of optimism and strength.
Home & up the street to get cigs! (had quit before). Home & couldn’t settle down till 3. Finally, did sleep in bits.
Thursday, March 11, 1993
To hospital to see her – can’t remember if this was the time I had to wait, because she was off at a test? Maybe – but she could speak!! Still can’t see straight – sees double & everything swims. Doc came & said that the improvement was quite remarkable.
Went to work (had phoned N. at home – he said to do whatever I needed to…) mostly because can’t just sit at home…
Back to see her at noon & also in evening. Sometime there she asked if we had to pay for all this – assured her that didn’t – she commented that Kline [Alberta premier] hadn’t managed to screw that up yet! Amazing!
Nurse said that it was like night and day compared to yesterday.
To office to work on book – till late – home & slept like a log.
Friday, March 12, 1993
To see her in am – also at noon – took her other clothes (already yesterday) & glasses etc. – slept heavily & had a hell of a time getting up at 8!!
Sat. March 13, 1993
Had arranged with N. to go hunting for a day bed – spent all morning running around – back to my place to re-measure library space (Mum had said that she would have to stay there) – all the beds & sofas etc., are about 2” too long – the space is awkward – one folding cot at Woolco is 6’(not 6’3”) – so that will be it…
Piano supposed to be tuned at 1 – no sign of Chris. Phoned at about 2, left messages – he called back & was coming…
To visit Mum & home for bread and bits of food – trying to clear fridge [I had been away] – didn’t have energy to cook properly.
To office to work on book – diarrhea from food…
Sun. March 14, 1993
Spent morning cooking up all the extra fruit around – washing dishes, etc.
To visit Mum, she’s not feeling as well as yesterday.
To office to work on book. I declined dinner offer (from N.) – mostly I think because I’m smoking!! & don’t want to let on!
To visit mum at 7 or so – chatting away & suddenly I felt queasy & felt the blood draining from my head & eyes blurring!! I was going to faint!! Surprise! Managed to bob down & lower my head & it passed!
Mum today described a little about the “other world” – says there is nothing there – saw two paintings, one the dead, the other the live. Dead one just black with a few little lines/scratches in white – the other full, crammed, colourful, busy, frantic – said she could look at both & not care about either – just felt that the other was peaceful, this one an effort. [She said later that she had looked at both versions for some time, trying to decide which to choose. She was tempted by the peaceful one, liked it better. Found the chaotic one loud, annoying. However, in the end, she opted for the busy version!]
N. said his mother told him that his grandmother had had stroke five years ago (at 84) & been totally paralyzed on left side – that way for 3 months, no sensation – then, it went away!!
After supper, to office, thought I could arrange the page sequence (had sorted that out on paper this afternoon) – tried several times & it just didn’t work – quit and home to scribble here.
Friday, I was supposed to work on book all day – but Gail away & all that, it didn’t happen.
Mon. Mar. 15, 1993
Monday – rough, tough day at work [with regular jobs].
Asked Gail to help me figure out book file – she tried & all sorts of odd things were happening.
After work, asked if Gail wanted to go for “one beer & 5 cigarettes”!! She agreed willingly – so, went & had 1½ beers — & talked some – quite good. Drove her home & dashed to see Mum – she thought she had a cold – high temperature – however, didn’t feel so disoriented, because this kind of sickness was familiar!…
Home & gulped a heated up supper & dash back to office to tackle book – Gail had said to call her if it worked so that she would not worry about it. She had tried to explain two possibilities — one I could understand, the other was beyond me…
So, worked away at the version that I could understand… & it worked!! Phoned Gail – completed it and printed it out – there till 11 p.m. Realized that I had not got a return call for my next ISBN# (had called too late Friday, left message – the # I had been given was one I had already used) – at home, I figured out where the book files were: in the cabinet in my loft – shoved there and forgotten!
All evening, worried about Mum – she did not seem to have a cold – so, what was the fever? An infection? Her firs IV had gone wrong & been eventually removed & put in her other hand – 1st arm swollen & red & painful to touch –
Slept fitfully & woke early.
Tuesday March 16, 1993
It is only Tuesday night & it feels like three weeks!
Up early & off to see Mum – quite anxious – her fever is gone & she seems better – had used the bedpan I put out in the night – also towel etc. – I had found all that in her drawers – she assumed they were not hers – I had also found her a walker.
So, took her to toilet & then for a walk along the hall – realized we could do that on all my visits – don’t know why I didn’t think of it before – feel as I’m the one who is “brain damaged”… It was a big relief & help for her – I guess one figures out how to use each system, not necessarily very quickly! Felt elated!
After work, me home to wolf another warmed supper. Earlier, had got my ISBN# & made the changes to the text in book & taken it to be copied – a test run had the pages in the right sequence, but machine chewed up a page – back to office to re-output – back to deliver & check that sequence ok. The backing up is off by about ¼” – nothing we can do, the machine shifts by that much – too bad. However, the gal (Fay?) is back & I know that if she can, she is quite careful about stuff – have to keep my fingers crossed…
To see Mum at 2 – not much new, though she has been down to see therapist & seen a lot of old & not so old people, in worse shape, struggling away at trying to walk, etc. Has left some impression on her. She has a new co-patient – came in while I was there – pain in the neck type of person – a complainer & user… Too bad.
Anyway, evening – to see Mum & to go for walk with her (found her in the “common room” listening to guy playing the piano…)
Wednesday, Mar. 17, 1993
Picked up book copies of Mum’s – spent evening inserting extra blank pages & packing the box. Utterly exhausted.
Thursday, Mar. 18, 1993
Up & to visit mum & to deliver box to bus depot for Edmonton bindery.
After work, home, rush to see mum & supper – this morning, got to talk to her doc & physio etc., so that was great – seems there may be some chance of after hospital help. Mum has charmed her physio & she is willing to help…
Saturday, March 20, 1993
To see mum & to cut her hair, nails & toenails – all that accomplished while her room-mate was elsewhere – so, that was good.
[After her stroke, Erna came home from hospital and attended several weeks of group physiotherapy. Then spent the next 7 years at home, with some home care assistance for morning rising, dressing and bathing, as well as breakfast and lunch (I was working full time, so could not be home during the day). Dinner and going to bed was on our own.
Gradually her hearing and eyesight deteriorated. She got a hearing aid, but the loss of eyesight badly affected her ability to read and to play the piano. We had not realized that she depended for that on being able to read the music — she did not play from memory. That was devastating. I had her music enlarged several times, but there is a limit to how large becomes too large to fit on the piano and be manageable and readable. Dzidra came from Australia to visit and help for several months every summer. That was a godsend in every way.
In 2000, Erna had a gall bladder attack at the end of summer and was hospitalized. After the operation, the doctors decided that she should not return home, but had to enter long term care in a seniors’ home. I visited her after work every day.]
— Inese
HONG KONG/SYDNEY POSTCARDS
[Inese and Nelson flew to Hong Kong. After a few days, Nelson continued on to India, Inese, a little later, flew to Sydney — postcards sent to Erna in Calgary]
Feb 17. 1996
[Calgary. The Olympic flame burns atop the Calgary Tower] [left]
Dear Mum!
Happy Chinese New Year!
Here we are at the airport — Looking at Calgary in the distance and the mountains behind.
The taxi driver said that he had driven you before. He was nice. I told him that if he drove you again to look after you.
We are having coffee and writing, Relax and be happy and calm. All good luck in the New Lunar Year.
Inese & N
———
Feb 17. 1996
[Vancouver, Canada. Alaska is the destination for this luxury cruise ship seen before passing beneath the Lions Gate Bridge] [right]
Hello Mum!
Here we are in Vancouver — at the airport, not the harbour — ready for the next stage — by plane, not by ship.
But you can remember your trip by ship!
xxx
Inese & N
———-
Monday Feb 19. 1996
[Hong Kong. Sunset over Western Harbour & Lantau Island] [left]
Hello!
This almost looks like the view from Austra’s flat.
Most shops are closed because of the New Year Holiday — so we have slept well, eaten well, talked a lot — gone for a drive and will go again.
Because of the holiday, this card will take longer to go…
By surprise, it is quite “cold” here — about 80!! But seems colder — and is cold to all the people here!
Inese
———
Tuesday Feb 20, 1996
[Hong Kong. The world’s most stunning harbour viewed from Lugard Road, The Peak] [right]
Hello Mum —
So, we are exploring Hong Kong. So far, Ian still has time off from work till tomorrow. Austra will have time off the whole time I’m here — so, we are doing the exploring together.
This evening we went down to the harbour downtown to watch the fireworks — it was quite nice, though still cool.
Lots of people — mostly Philippine (they work as maids here) — the Chinese mostly celebrate at home with their families at New Year.
Everything is really nice and comfortable and it is easy to get around etc.
Hope you are well & happy & OK.
Love to you,
Inese
———
Friday Feb 23, 1996
[Hong Kong. Trams and busses on Des Voeux Road, Central, in front of Chinese New Year decorations] [left]
Mum!
We took Nelson to the airport today, after having lunch with Ian at the University where Ian is teaching.
We have been having a very nice time. Some tourist activity, some dining out, lots of talking, sometimes late at night.
It is still unusually cold — but I am not sorry — it is easier to walk and travel when it is cooler.
Much love to you,
Inese
———–
Sunday 25th Feb, 1996
[Hong Kong. Statue Square and the Supreme Court surrounded by the Banks of Central] [right]
Hello Mum,
Nelson left for India on Friday afternoon — phoned yesterday to say that he is fine — but everything is quite the adventure & not all goes as expected always.
We are going to visit a village museum and some temples a little outside Hong Kong today.
Hope your shopping expeditions were OK and everything else is fine, including the weather — Here it is still cool — but OK for sightseeing.
Inese
———
Tuesday Feb 27, 1996
[Hong Kong. The floating seafood restaurants of Sham Wan, Aberdeen] [left]
Hello Mum!
Sorry that all my cards look the same — I bought a set of 12 and did not realize that they are very similar… Anyway, I am having a good time exploring the city — Ian is back at work — he only had 3 days holiday + weekends — we have been to some restaurants with him — Austra is still on holiday from work & sometimes comes with me. Michael, the son, works as a waiter at a restaurant and has varying shifts — sometimes day, sometimes evening — when he is home he sleeps or goes out with his friends.
There is a maid who lives here & cooks and cleans — they live in an apartment on 25 floor.
Inese
———
Wed Feb 28, 1996
[Hong Kong. Causeway Bay and the entrance to the Cross Harbour Tunnel] [right]
Hello Mum —
Well, it is the last day here — I’m not doing much — I have to go to town to pick up my slides and then just take it easy till Ian will drive us to the airport after 4 pm.
Well, it has been a nice visit and I have seen a lot of Hong Kong. It is very easy to get around with public transport here, so that means I can be independent. It also seems very safe. Chinese men do not harass women the way Western men do.
Love to you!
Inese
————
Monday March 4, 1996
[Sydney. Eating out] [left]
Hello Mum!
This is not quite a picture of us!! We are having a good time — We went on a tour of the Paddington galleries — also did the Paddington Market and I bought Dzid &b me some nice scarf/shawls — Clothes are incredibly expensive, but I am looking — bought one top here and a nice silk jacket in Hong Kong. We looked for pants for you, but it is the wrong season for wool.
Love to you,
Inese
————
Tuesday, Mar 5, 1996
[Sydney Opera House] [right]
Hello Mum —
Yesterday Dzid & I went to see a film, because it is cheaper on Mondays.
Today, we went to the Art Gallery of NSW and to the Museum of Sydney (historical stuff about Sydney, but well presented).
On Thursday we are going to Ida’s for a fondue — on Sunday, people are coming here for an “Open House” — I’ve been phoning to invite for 3 days…
Love to you — I’ll be home soon.
Inese
————-
Wednesday, March 6, 1996
[Sydney Opera House with commuter ferry and hydrofoil in the foreground] [left]
Hello Mum!
Today I went into town by myself. Dzid went to shop and to swim — and later to go to Miško’s course lectures —
I went to the University to go to some of the old places — and some of them have changed totally — I also went shopping and found some nice stuff that is not too expensive.
Inese
———
Thursday, Mar 7, 1996
[Sydney Harbour Bridge including old Australian terrace houses, viewed from Rocks area] [right]
Hello Mum —
We are just back from a lovely fondu lunch and afternoon at Ida’s place. She drove us back in her new car. She seems to be doing very well — has a few aches and pains, but otherwise is the same busy and involved Ida. Early next week she will probably drive us out to Windsor to visit Austra’s mum.
Nothing much else to report. It is quite warm (25-270) Sometimes I can bear it, sometimes I just melt & sweat!
Love,
Inese
—————
Sunday, March 10, 1996
[Sydney. The Rocks] [left]
Hello Mum —
Today, later, some of the old crowd of friends are dropping by for an Open House here. I made paté last night & still have to make a dip etc etc — We’ll see how it goes! It rained all night & still is raining — But it seems to be trying to clear up a bit — Went to the bookshop at Latviešu Nams yesterday — it has almost nothing in it — very poor!
Otherwise, we are all fine. See you soon,
Inese
———
Monday, March 11, 1996
[The majestic Sydney Opera House by the glow of night] [right]
Hello Mum —
So, the party went well & people seemed happy to see each other — Most of them do not keep in touch — So, Ojārs + Dagnija Greste, Sue Birstins, Sunny B. — Pat Mazoudier, Pete + Anda Garlick, Jānis Grauds, Maira + Johnny Kluina, Indulis + Liuki Masulāns, Imants Graudiņš, Ojārs + Renate Neimanis.
Some of them brought pictures of their kids — all grown up.
We had lots of food etc & so, it was OK — Now Dzid & I are going to the Art Gallery of NSW to see the Archibald Prize show.
Love,
Inese
[The following texts are extracts from letters by Inese to Dzidra, sections which concern Erna]
22.11.1993
[…] Mum got a part of my flu/cold, despite her flu shots — but less drastic than mine, so probably OK — We had a bout of early winter — temperatures to -32 at night — now it is milder & perhaps will stay that way for a while — it does not usually get vicious here till after the New year…
———
3.7.1995
[…] Rest of life plods on — Mum seems OK — We’ve had a letter back from Biruta that the “Power of Attorney” & its translation needs further validation from the Latvian Embassy — pain in the neck — But have spent the evening composing letter to send it off… Wonder what that is about. Bureaucracy or what…
[…] As far as I can tell, Mum’s commode is working well & is probably a big relief.
———–
4.5.1996
[sent by fax]
Hello Dzid —
Well, now I too am proud owner of a fax machine — and also don’t yet know how it all works. I’m not sure how may times it & all the phones ring when a fax is coming through — i.e. Will I fall out of bed & grab the phone in the middle of the night?? etc & what happens to the fax if I do?? — and what if Mum picks up the phone in the day, and it’s a fax etc etc —
[… in Erna’s writing in the middle of page: Halo! See you soon!!! Be happy. M.]
So Mum sends hello — but won’t write more at the moment — it is evening — we went shopping for food etc. — had artichokes for supper & other stuff, including trout for Mum (not for me!)
Dzid, I’m trying to be upbeat, but I am a little worried — Mum is more frail — a little so — and that is normal, I guess — However, I know she isn’t taking enough of her medicines (i.e. cutting back on it) — I’ve talked to her about it, showed her the info in a “pill book” on what it is supposed to do — to no avail — I don’t know what the real effects are —
She is supposed to go to the doctor before the next renewal (they will not give one without the doctor’s visit) — so, she has agreed to go “sometime soon” — last time the doctor didn’t give her a blood test — I had a fit — I’m sure she won’t ask — it’s the only way to know dosage….
…Anyway, I don’t know what else to do about Mum’s resistance — it is, of course, possible to do nothing, to acquiesce — to agree that it is her choice & her life — and she is no fool — though sometimes deluded by her own interpretations (as are we all) — Still, it is hard to be here, for her to say every day how hard her day has been — in terms of dizziness — failing eyesight etc — some of those can’t be helped or affected by medicine (as I understand it) — I’ve taken large print books out of the library — she can now again read them most of the day & evening. And that is a relief. Because there was a period where it was frantic, because she felt she couldn’t see… Unfortunately, the large print books are of poor selection — mostly popular pulp novels, mysteries and murder stories and Westerns. I had looked at the selection — then, later talked to the librarian, and she volunteered the same assessment, saying “Unfortunately…” She says it is changing (with the aging population) — but I suspect that will be a bit slow in this case. Of better literature, there is only the best known book by some of the best known — Librarian also told me that most are produced in England — So, found a Peter Carey book — i.e. Australia via England to here — Mum is reading it right now.
If you talk to Mum about her medicine etc, don’t in any way indicate you have my info — we changed doctors 4 time because she thought they were (or I was) passing on previous information. Some of which was true! With the last doctor, I think that none of the information was given by me or previous doctor…
Anyway — you already have some sense of this —
Much love to you & Miško etc
————
6.5.1996
[sent by fax]
I have a new fax number — *****. It costs about $5 per month and is supposed to have a different ring from the phone — Don’t know what it sounds like yet. Also have some other questions about it (i.e. how it affects or links to the phone line — […])
Anyway, your short fax came through yesterday — Mum picked up the phone & figured out from the bips & squeaks that it must be the fax, laid the phone aside till it was over & then hung up — smart!
I assume you got mine, which went through with no problem from this end… I guess all of it will take some time to figure out.
Nothing else new — Mum said you called today and I’m glad.
————–
15.5.1996
[by fax]
[…] Saturday night [before Mother’s Day] took Mum to the Banff Centre to see the ultra modern ballet (see article to follow) — all of that worked out very well & Mum felt good about it, despite the long ride both ways —
Got your article today — suspect that the print is a bit small for Mum — her eyes are not doing well lately…
[…] Your previous fax of drawing + letter & lovely “frieze” at the bottom was fine — the drawing came through twice, the letter once (since you asked).
—————-
3.8.1996
[by fax]
[…] Mum has watched a lot of the Olympics on TV (she never watches TV!) —
————
[no date]
[by fax]
[…] As to Mum’ s health — her doctor called for an ultrasound test for her liver — (from the blood tests you were part of) because the liver part was “not normal” .
Result — she has a gall-stone blocking part of the liver function.
Suggestion from Doctor — surgery to get rid of the stone…
Mum rejects the idea —
Doc says nothing about it — doesn’t push the surgery — though says he recommends a second opinion from the surgeon — not all treatments require surgery.
———-
[no date — Nov 1996?]
[by fax]
[…] Mum has been through a rough spot — am trying to figure out if medication (or lack of it) has something to do with it… We are doing some partial stuff on you liver book — good so far & I’ll do more with it next week.
We are in a sudden deep freeze — -20 in the day and -25 at night — all out of the blue…
Mum has watched the Piano Competition on TV (Lawna gave me tickets — no hope of going, partly weather, partly Mum’s not so good state) — Now I’ve asked for the rest of Cable channels, since one of the last ones (#36) is one that does music/theatre etc. — that all may work OK — it will be connected Thursday…
—————————
9.12.1996
[by fax]
[…] Got the dandelion stems in honey — they were beginning to ferment — container all puffed up — put them in the fridge for a day — then decided to “nuke” them in the microwave — that seems to have worked & got rid of the slightly fermented taste — Mum has been having them on her breakfast cereal.
Thank you for the liver cleansing book — I’ve read it and bought some of the stuff suggested (like tahini & lecithin spread & soya yoghurt) at health food stores — have been juicing vegetables & fruit — tried blending (bought a blender) but Mum can’t stand the thicker version — so, after a struggle, the “juice” version is OK — But almost nothing else — we tried soy milk etc etc — after a week, she asked one day if we were perhaps going “to go out” — and then said “I’m so hungry!” — it was pretty devastating — (visions of “elder abuse”!!) — most of the changed tastes she hates — and craves the old butter or “margarine” etc etc etc —
Anyway, the juice has taken and she dutifully drinks it every day. I eat the residue or bake it into bread. I’ve been making lots of vegetable soups, she’s using more bran (which she hated) on her cereal & ground up version of seeds &b nuts… & a bunch of herb supplements specifically for the liver.
I’ve given up on the “complete” version of the diet — I’ll be as careful as I can, but include some pleasure foods for her — it is too tough otherwise, since there is not much else left.
Winter struck early, by now a month ago… to -35… lots of snow… […] Also, Mum fell on her bum at the bottom of the stairs (not down the stairs) — she missed grabbing the rail hard enough & sat back. So, all that slowed everything down.
Now, all her fall “hurts” are over — we try to go for a walk most days — she holds on to my arm & we sit on all the benches — there is still snow & cold, but it is OK & we dress well.
This past Saturday, Mum came shopping with me for the first time in a while — holding on to the cart for a lot of it, but OK — Nelson had arranged to have lunch in a restaurant just off the Superstore lot & that was good — Also, she came to Khublai’s (the Mongolian place) a few days before… It’s a slow regaining of ground lost…
Nelson constructed a brilliant gadget to support a book & a light, to swing out from the wall at her chair in the living room — Mum thought it was brilliant too — I’m not sure whether it isn’t too late — Mum tried it the other day — the contraption is OK, but she couldn’t see well enough — however, it is closer than anything we have for lining up the eye, the book & the magnifiers you bought (we haven’t tried them, but the physics make sense) — it includes the metal piece of a music stand to support the book (which she couldn’t hold any more).
{sketch to illustrate device}
This probably doesn’t make sense, but if you imagine a music stand with a ledge on a moveable arm & a light (adjustable) that goes with it above… then that is it.
I have arranged to have her piano music enlarged — haven’t got all the bits in place yet, but soon will.
The TV bit, including your effort, has worked OK —
I bought an IKEA chair {sketch} & footstool — they are very comfortable — placed it in front of the TV — Mum has learned to channel-surf the cable version as well as anyone… Then, a couple of weeks ago, when I saw that she was taking to it, I extended the cable coverage to all the channels. This includes at least one channel that show reasonably good stuff… It all started with the broadcasting of the Esther Honens International Piano competition — the second — it happens every 4 years — Mum went to some of the concerts 4 years ago — now, she watched it all on TV (except the finals, which were not televised) — After that, I try to pick out programmes from the TV Guide that might be of interest & leave her a list daily — she watches some of that &v also “surfs” some of the time — & that is fine.
So, all your efforts re the TV were worthwhile — in fact, they may be the only thing left!
—————-
[spring 1997?]
[by fax]
[…] Mum is OK, though frailer. Her eyesight is worse. I’ve enlarged her music quite large, but she still has trouble with it. Has tried to learn some of the pieces a bit more by heart. Too bad she didn’t start earlier. However, the TV has worked well. Thank God for that.
[Dzidra helping Erna to learn her pieces by heart]
————
June 1997
[Ian Hart came to Calgary for a conference at the University. He stayed with Nelson. We shared some pleasant visiting time, both at Nelson’s and at my house. Inese]
———————-
[July 1997?]
[by fax]
Thursday night Nelson & Stephanie [left] came to dinner — Stampede breakfast dinner (sausages, pancakes, corn syrup etc) — then we watched a film on VCR — Mum didn’t watch all the film.
She has to check in with doctor (same or other) soon or her prescription won’t be renewed — she takes them according to her own system & I’ve stopped fighting it. She also needs to see an eye doc — New one, I guess — her eyes have deteriorated a lot this year — may manage it before you come or may not — may be glad of the help…
love xx
Inese
——————–
[no date — fall 1997?]
[by fax]
Dzid,
Thanks for your call & fax — haven’t read the letter to Mum yet (she’s napping) — will soon.
Mum is still doing well — despite her complaints — and, yes, her eyes are worse still — However, she seems to get on well with current lady — today I stayed home, but didn’t tell Mum (I didn’t want her to seem awkward with the helper) & I heard little bits of their upstairs interaction (mainly bathroom & shower) & it seems cheery, careful & fine. However, sometime soon, when winter sets in, there may be other care-givers — this gal has said she won’t be able to do it in the winter, as she has no car.
She offered her services to look after Mum for full days if necessary or to clean the house (she’s not supposed to offer that on her current contract — apparently the fine is some $2,000, of so she says in her note) — (I haven’t met her — all this is via notes & a few phone calls) — Anyway, Mum was pressing me to accept the cleaning offer & I ended up doing so — So, $10 per hour (which I remember Lawna & others paying) and two days of 4 hours each — so $80. It’s a big lump, but I am relieved — not much done, other than bits & pieces on the run, since you left. This time it was a lot — I know from Lawna & co form before that it takes about 4 hours to clean a place (& that is about what it takes me too) — Perhaps once a month. I’ll settle for it — it certainly is a temptation! — All these things are possible — all they take is money!!!
On Saturday shopping expeditions we now have lunch at some place or other — that is going well & Mum loves it & it’s easy on me!!
Love you muchly,
xxxxxxx Inese
————–
23.9.1997
[by fax]
[…] Both your fonts are fine — perhaps the first one is better (in my judgement) in that it is slightly more open & square — but both are great — and Mum is delighted to be able to read your letters.
She is also writing with her large letter files and that is great — she has written letters to all sorts of people & is now working on another piece of her own writing — the latter, her own writing, has only happened this year (i.e. the bits that I enlarged) — the computer large type is a nice solution & I am very happy that she is now using it — before, it was not a case of small or large type — she just couldn’t write — her last attempt was after her stroke, to write about that experience, and she found that so upsetting, that she stopped all of it. Now, it seems, that several things have come together — the piece (Doctor) that she wanted to do & that enlarging solved — today, she did another (re Ilya) — the letters have opened up a closed window — so, all of it sounds good.
By the way, her fax to you was sent in a regular font, which seems to come thicker than the Latvian version…
Other stuff — yesterday, in a kind of panic, I called the cemetery folk: “Here is paranoid Inese Birstins…” I said (I did!) — “but I have not received the invoice” etc — Well, this time I got someone who said — “Oh — um? Well, I will send you a copy.” (after I had offered to turn up wherever & pay on the spot — So, I asked her to fax the invoice — she did — I wrote the cheque & mailed it… So, I feel safe now. (P.S.) Today’s mail — I had the invoice!! Finally.
Still, it is done — by today, tomorrow or by the end of the week, they will have received the cheque (when I kept phoning, what encouraged me was that at some point of me saying it was “Birstins plot # so & so” & then, you could hear them turn pages & then they would say “Ineze” & I knew that it was right!! (since I had never said my first name!) It’s been a long haul, but finally, I think it is cased!!
[…] Much love to you & Miško — It is greyer without you,
xxx
Inese
—————
20.10.1997
[by mail]
[…]
By the way, did you get my brief E-mail — I sent a few lines with the address, which is info@think-design.com. (think-design is hyphenated because there is some other ThinkDesign in NY which got there ahead of us.)
I tried looking at the translation questions you sent for Mum’s book — found them way too hard and put them off for later.
[…] Received a formal letter/certificate from the City re cemetery plot ownership — so, that is done.
[…] You probably wonder how Mum is — she’s OK — your visit & time with her were certainly a “shot in the arm” and revived her. She has written some short pieces. So that’s nice — Her not doing any writing (as in “stories”) was not because of poor eyesight — she just couldn’t do it since her stroke, till now.
She has also gone for a walk around the block on her own — using her cane! Not easy, but she’s doing it. Other times, we go together. She came to a play, a one-woman effort, at the Small Theatre — the play was “Frida K.” — about Frida Kahlo — that was for her birthday.
[…] Well, it’s Oct. 26 — time flies — […] I bought & Nelson installed a new humidifier on the furnace — that should make the air less dry & make life more comfortable.
Hope the winter (with el Niño etc) will turn out to be milder — that would be nice. […]
Love to you all.
————–
6.2.1998 9.25 p.m.
[by fax]
Hello Dzid & Tanya [Hart, Austra’s daughter, helping with E-mail]
Received your e-mail of Mum’s stuff — it all came through fine, with a few quirks, but minor (eg, quotation marks as í — ) but it is readable — didn’t get a chance to print it out & bring it home [from work] yet… So, thanks! the system works.
Mum & I just watched the opening of the Olympics on TV — ended with a five-continent rendition of Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy“, conducted from Japan (Sydney, New York, Beijing, Berlin, Point Cape SA & Nagano) — all in sync — orchestras & choirs — perhaps you saw it — apparently it’s beyond normal TV technology, where there is a time lag — impressive use of Japanese know-how.
* All singing in German! — Beautiful, but with faint echoes of Nazi rallies!!
—————–
13.3.1998
[by fax]
Dzid,
Mum says you’ll come after your Film Festival in June — so, I assume that it will be about the same as last year — that is good, if we want to continue hiking & perhaps camping — not sure how much of the latter we’ll be able to do… Look forward to it!!!
Mum’s eyesight has taken a sudden turn for the worse about a week ago — we’re going to see a doc in the same place you took her — the woman she saw then, is gone — we’ll go next Thursday. All the rest wanes more slowly.
———–
.
July 1998
[Talis came to Calgary with Dzidra and spent a couple of weeks here. Dzidra stayed to the end of August.]
[photo: At Nelson’s place, Talis in background.]
.
—————–
7.9.1998
[by mail?]
[…] Yesterday went to Jan’s (farm) for a BBQ […] thought it was for lunch — turned out to be a BBQ cookout for some 40 people! not starting till about 4 pm!
We dashed off at about 6, since I had made no preparations for Mum’s supper, assuming I’d be home by about 4 at the latest!
[…] On Mum — all is fine —
About 2 weeks ago, first thing in the morning she fell beside her bed, full length — she said she was trying to stand up straighter, so that pee would go into the pad — maybe wasn’t holding on, I don’t know. Luckily, I was still home and managed somehow, to help her up — more or less lift her up & it’s quite the weight!! — I’m sure her care lady would not have been able to do it. She didn’t seem to be hurt, just shocked — So I got her changed and back to bed. Next day, she had a pain near her ribs — inside or outside was not clear, also if she breathed in too deep & fast — So, surely bruised and maybe cracked rib. She insisted she didn’t want to go to a doctor & I decided to wait a bit — in bits & pieces it seems to be getting better, so we have left it.
The care lady seems to be OK — same person every day, so Mum chats to her a bit & maybe there’s more of a relationship developing. I don’t know.
Mum is generally in quite good spirits and a lot stronger than she was. So your visit & care really helped her. On Saturday in the car (shopping) she was measuring her heartbeat & said that it was “much better, now that she was taking her medicines properly” (Yes! She said that!) — much more regular, apparently.
Also, your scrabble board is great! [Enlarged version created by Dzidra] We haven’t played scrabble, but Mum uses it every day, several times, like a large Xword or solo scrabble — i.e. she doesn’t try to add up her scores, though I think she still takes the high-scoring letters etc into some sort of incentive consideration — and puts out words till she runs out of bits. She asks questions about spellings & meanings and says she has thought a lot now about language, including Latvian… Anyway, she is engrossed for hours and although it may be tiring, it seems not to be bad at all.
Also, the going for lunch on Saturday shopping outings is working brilliantly!
So, for the moment, all seems well and her life has settled into an OK routine.
By the way, if you write faxes that are not enlarged (which is OK) — ones for me to read to Mum, try to keep your language simple — I know that is a pain in the neck, but it is very hard to try to read & when, not only she doesn’t hear it, but also she can’t understand what she hears — and my attempts at translating are not all that great — Try short sentences and somewhat simpler words then “overall concept & aim” “multitude of possibilities” “pristine environment” ” willingness to consider concept” “irrelevant stuff” “tedious” “instil” “debris” “residency”. I know this is a horrible thing to ask, but her aural comprehension does not match what she could once read — so, she loses the thread of the whole idea and, essentially, I have to translate it all. Perhaps just short sentences is enough, so we can deal with each idea separately. […]
P.S. Sept 12 is Mum’s namesday
——————
[no date — Sept 1998]
[by fax]
[…] P.S. Mum says her ribs are fine — so, it was probably a bruise.
————-
20.11.1998
[by fax]
Dzid,
[…] It was good to be able to tell you about Mum — have been thinking of faxing all the info, but, of course, that keeps getting sidelined.
The day programme has been an easy ride! First had to re-apply for the Handi-Bus, including going to see her doc for certification — several hours of waiting room (but just me — didn’t bring Mum).
Then and interview visit there with Mum — she seemed pleased enough, because the rooms are bright & airy. More forms to fill and payments to make. $15 per session, with 4 days notice if to cancel.
First day coming up, Mum develops earache day before (real, I think) & can’t sleep all night — So, we cancel bus, cancel session. Also had to re-arrange person to get her up to come earlier. Also bought boots that she can remove easily when she comes home.
2nd week — more struggle — I decided to drive her there & she took the bus home, though I was home to make sure she got in (driver unlocked the door) —
3rd week, I stayed long enough to see her on the bus in the morning — I think she is very brave to undertake it all — including all the anxiety.
4th week — Birthday dinner for Nelson night before — Decided not to go out of laziness and cold weather — But in the end she went — and said later, that “after all, she should go.” So goes the saga!!
——————
[Summer 1999]
[Horse races at Millarville Farmers’ Market & Fair]
——————
[Xmas 1999]
[At Nelson’s suggestion Inese bought Erna a small portable CD player, earphones and some classical music CDs, especially piano (Chopin, Mozart, etc.]
